


Little Looks

by TGP



Series: Happy Endings [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cultural Misunderstandings, Fights, Gen, Joe being a huge dick, Teasing, discussion of sexuality, hygiene
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-17 15:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3534221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TGP/pseuds/TGP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short tiny scenes that are too small to really count as fics on their own. Will be updated whenever there's a new one, in no real order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jane and Crockerpop

“I’m not going to lead him in here so you can hose him down.”

“He smells like a barn.”

“ _Jane._ ”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed it. I don’t think he’s washed once since he showed up here. And the other trolls haven’t had any trouble with keeping up their hygiene.”

Jedd pinches between his eyes. She has a point. It’s becoming easy to figure out where Gamzee is even when hidden. And it’s not that his daughter’s idea doesn’t have merit, but he’s fairly sure if he let her at him with the sink sprayer, they’d never see the boy again. This would take tact and careful planning.

It would also likely take a few words from Karkat Vantas. They were friends, it seemed, so maybe he’d have some idea how to cajole Gamzee into a shower. Jedd glances skyward. He likes him plenty, but hearing Karkat talk is a trial in self control, keeping himself from correcting the language.

Well. No sense in prolonging the inevitable.


	2. Dove and Hal

It’s not a fight. They are not fighting. Dove refuses to fight. Which is not to say that he is giving up or losing because he will be damned if he loses against the Real Boy. He doesn’t really care, of course. He’s just actively ignoring Hal like Hal is ignoring him and it doesn’t bother him a bit.

_The terrifying moment when his balance was thrown during the argument and the stairs became a sudden gaping mouth full of teeth and he reached with the arm he doesn’t have all of anymore-_

Noooooooope.jpeg

Dove is not going there because he doesn’t care and he is not going to fight with Hal over whose fault it was and he is not even mad and he is going to continue fucking around with this track until it’s just right and ready for some lyrics.

Behind him, Hal clears his throat, which is stupid because  does he even produce mucus. Dove ignores him. Reaching over Dove’s shoulder, Hal sets down a cup of apple juice and then goes back over to his bed to play on his gameboy.

Dove gives the cup a weighing stare before he sips it. He supposes he’ll forgive Hal this time since the guy didn’t even take the opportunity to spike it with something gross.


	3. Dave, John, and Joe

“Are you a homosexual?” Dave blurts because the best way to get around John freaking out is to just plow through it like the captain of the football team with the head cheerleader’s first time. Surely if John’s older alternate self likes humping guys, John will see the wisdom of it.

Joe blinks slowly. He marks his place in the book he was reading and sets it aside to turn his full attention onto Dave and John. “No.”

“See?!” John says, vindicated to the fullest extent as Dave sags a little inside. “See, I told you, I’m-”

“I’m not heterosexual either,” Joe interrupts and John just stares at him because what. _What_. Even Dave is a little confused because what other options are there. Joe gives them both a very patient look. “I’m ‘will my dick fit in it’ sexual.”

There’s absolute silence. Joe doesn’t even bother getting embarrassed like any decent human being. He gets up from his chair and drops an arm over each teen’s shoulders, leaning his head between both. His gaze is lazy as he regards them because he was never one to get uppity about anything ever, at least around them.

“So tell me, fellas,” Joe says almost gently, smiling, “will my dick fit in it?”


	4. Gamzee

It’s in the middle of English class, one Gamzee tends to up and enjoy on account he likes the way words can be made to dance and mean all sorts of double things what aren’t all that noticeable unless you’re looking for them- What? Oh, right, yeah, it’s in the middle of English class when he feels a sudden mighty need and gets himself up to go to the door.

“Where do you think you’re going, Mr. Makara?” the teacher asks. She’s a shrill thing, reminds him a bit like this one buzzbeast lusus he had to up and dispatch when it came too motherfucking close to his shore like it wanted to take him out. Most the teachers are female and Gamzee thinks it’s some kind of dominance display to keep the wigglers in line cause why else would they do it that way? But humans, they as being some weird ass motherfuckers and getting everything backwards and sideways and it was months before he realized John Egbert was male ‘cause humans got the weirdest set of backwards hormones and pheromones- “ _Mr. Makara._ Return to your seat.”

“Just getting myself to the gapper,” he says, shaking himself from his swirling, crossways thoughts, and then he grabs the door handle.

“I don’t know what it’s like where you come from,” she says primly, “but here in this classroom, we ask permission to use the toilet.”

Gamzee pauses and looks back at her with a wide eyed look. “Is that motherfucking right?”

“Yes,” she says after twitching like he done her terrible wrong.

“Huh. Well. Can I be getting myself to the toilet?”

Her lips are pressed in a firm line. “I don’t know, Mr. Makara. _Can_ you?”

All at once, everything goes tense and quietlike. Gamzee stares at her and his entire body starts humming with energy. Is she motherfucking _challenging_ him? Is that what this is? He ain’t had a human adult do that in a couple weeks now, not since the beginning, what made them have a separate class in the first place. He didn’t think it was a thing humans got up to doing much. But if she’s gonna challenge him, well, ain’t motherfucking likely he’ll back down. His belly is uncomfortable full but humans are frail as wigglers. His fingers twitch at his sides. Her eyes narrow, waiting.

All hell breaks loose when he fetches a club. He’s dive bombed by the rest of the trolls, Karkat’s yelling at his face, the teacher is yelling about the commotion, and five minutes later he’s sitting in the principal’s office waiting for Rose to come fetch him because he’s not allowed back in school for the rest of the week and he has no idea what the hell he did wrong.


	5. Joe and Jade

“It’s just coffee,” Joe maintains.

Jade hums back, smiling like she’s just discovered her own comet and got to name it something silly like Becquerel. “Just coffee.”

“ _Yes_.”

She hums again and rests her head on her hands. “So why am I okaying your outfit?”

“You always okay my outfits,” Joe protests as he feels a flush rising on his cheeks despite his assurances that this is as casual as casual can get.

“You look swell, Slim.” Jade grins wider, showing near every tooth in her mouth. “Coffee  at seven at night, huh?”

“ _Jade_.”

She snorts and gets up, patting his shoulder. “This is fine, Joe. Relax or you’ll sweat all over.”

“I am perfectly relaxed,” Joe grumbles and at Jade’s look, he blushes all over again. “I _am_.”

“Sure. Now you better get going or you’ll be late. Tell Dave I said hi.” Joe heads for the door and just before he’s out, Jade adds, “And use protection!”

Joe shuts the door extra hard and ignores Jade’s pearls of laughter as he heads down the stairs.


	6. Jade and Joe, Pugilist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From early in their future run.

“JADE!”

She jerks to stare at the door as Joe half falls through it, so entirely out of sorts that she thinks the worst almost immediately. She meets him halfway in the entry and he grabs her shoulders, staring at her with something akin to horror on his face. They’ve only been in the future for two weeks, what could possibly be this bad-

“There’s no more pugilist clubs!”

Wait. _What_. Jade’s fear abruptly turns to irritation. “Are you serious.”

“None! No where! These cracked pikers don’t fight for real anymore!” He lets her go to starts storming around the living room, gesturing wildly. “Everything’s rules and padding and referees, have you heard such a bunch of hooey before?! And the bimbos on the street try to bump you off with _guns_ instead of taking their licks!”

Jade leans against a wall, arms folded. “Oh, no, say it isn’t so. You can’t go randomly get into fights on boring nights.”

“Laugh it up, doll,” Joe sniffs with mild offense. “I made good money on those rackets and you know it.”

“Yes, I definitely believe you always visited them for our well being,” Jade says with a little smirk and Joe gives her the dirtiest look. “I hear boxing is still a thing.”

“Staged for a show,” he grumbles back with disgust.

Jade sighs a little. She’s going to be hearing this for the next week, she’s sure of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For folks in the dark, pugilists were people who liked to fight and they made clubs and had a bunch of bare knuckle boxing. Joe was like really into that stuff as a teenager. Lots of strength, lots of winning. He might have had some mob problems if they hadn't gotten to the future when they did.
> 
> Also, for reference, "bimbo" in the 20s meant a strong guy, or a grunt. A "piker" was a coward and extraordinarily rude.


End file.
